Congratulations!
Beginning today
You no longer have
A mortgage to pay.

Your house was foreclosed on
By a big east coast bank
That your tax dollars rescued
When it started to tank.

Its chairman, its founder
And all its execs
Squandered deposits
On huge bonus checks,
And junkets to Vegas,
Tahiti and Tokyo
Monaco, Greece,
Hawaii and Mexico.
They spent it on mansions
They spent it on yachts,
They spent it on parties
At trendy nightspots,
They spent it on Lear jets,
They spent it on clothes,
And plenty of other things
Nobody knows.

But you shouldn’t grumble,
Protest or complain
Or seek any government
Aid for your pain.
You have clothes on your back,
You have shoes on your feet.
What else do you need?
You’ve got plenty to eat.

Go find an apartment
Or cheap rental house
For your three little children,
Yourself and your spouse.
If you just look around you
You’ll locate with ease
A vacated home
You can probably lease.
The banks have foreclosed
On thousands like you:
The Joneses, the Blackwoods,
Your poor Auntie Sue,
The butcher, the baker
Your son’s history teacher,
The high-school coach
And the Methodist preacher.

Wherever you look
On the streets of this town
For Rent signs are up
And homeownership down.
A handful of shrewd
And rich speculators
Have bought up your home
And the homes of your neighbors’.
These dealers in formerly
Distressed real estate
Will rent you a house
At a competitive rate.
But a few months from now
They might flip it for profit
To someone who may
Want to throw you all off it.
But if that should happen,
Just take to the roads
Like an updated version
Of John Steinbeck’s Joads.
Pack up your family
Your kids and your wife
And move somewhere else
To start a new life.

Just get off your fanny
And don’t be so lazy,
Try Fort Myers, Florida
Or Scottsdale, AZ.
They both have been battered
By the current Recession,
The populace suffering
From heartbreak and depression.
But even in darkness
There’s always some light.
The home-prices there
Have been shriveled by blight.
A quaint little house
That sits on hill
And once was appraised
At a quarter of a mill
Right now can be got
For just seventy grand!
That’s less than the builder
Paid out for the land!
So don’t be defeatists,
Be darers and tryers.
Pack up your family
And move to Fort Myers,
Where thousands of houses
Sit abandoned and bare.
It ought to be easy
To find lodgings there.
And if you’ve no money,
You and your daughters,
Your wife and your son
Can all live as squatters.
It may be a hard life
But it’s also exciting:
The sneaking and skulking,
The frequent check-kiting.

Once you’ve hit bottom
There’s nowhere to go
But up, up, and away!
So do not be slow.
Go look for employment
Selling shoes at a mall.
The greatest successes
Often start out quite small.
The government needs you
Employed in a hurry.
It bailed out Wall Street
And it’s starting to worry,
If there’s money enough
After bailing out GM,
For Chrysler and Ford
And the rest of them.
The bankers need money,
The airlines do too.
And the government’s hoping
To take it from you.
They’ll tax all your wages
From now till you die.
They will tax what you earn
And they’ll tax what you buy.
They’ll give direct bailouts
To the privileged and wealthy
Whose lives are all charmed
And bank accounts healthy.
The government’s broke
But still throwing cash
At the corporate wizards
Who brought on this crash.
But when you fall into
a financial pickle
And ask for a bailout
They’ll toss you a nickel.

But enough of this chatter
Go find a new job.
Don’t sit around whining
Like some lazy slob.
Your wife and your kids
Should go find jobs too.
The government’s broke
And it’s counting on you.
The debt it’s compiled
Since 2001
Will burden your life
And the life of your son
And the lives of his sons
And grandkids galore
And guarantee
That you all will die poor.
So each time a child
Is born in your line,
Take him aside
When he’s no more than nine
And say, “Child, the country
Is drowning in debt.
The government needs
All the cash it can get.
Expect to work hard
For most of your life
Just to eke out a living
For you and your wife.
The future’s not rosy
It’s ink-red, and you
Will someday be drowning
In that same ink too.
I hope you’ll be happy
And find plenty of
The good things in life
Like friendship and love.
But the government’s debt
Is likely to grow,
And oh, little child,
The money you’ll owe!

 
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